Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Lost it at the photocopier
Well, my plan to make life better at work, obviously hasn't worked! Today, I lost it at the photocopier in the main staff room and began to cry inconsolably. When I look back on it, I have snap shots in my mind of a lot a very shocked people. I can laugh about it now but at the time I couldn't stop crying and I didn't care where I was. I have no idea where it all came from. Oh yes you do, I hear someone say! And you are right! But I just want it all to go away. I hate confrontation and I know that that is where this is all leading. I will have to confront my line manager, the head of school and human resources about their treatment of me and I can't face going through it all!
Saturday, 20 February 2010
Yes, I did! And no, I won't!
Yes, I did swim 10 kilometers. Someone was wondering. I tried to keep it up this week but it was just too difficult to swim 80 laps in the hour I have in the mornings. I takes me about 50 to 60 minutes so I would have no chance to shower and get changed. I did however do it again this morning. And I will again tomorrow. If I could spend a bit more time at the pool each day I could do it. I may try to go to the pool from 6:30 till 7:45. I think that would be enough time. Well, I'm sure that you are all glad that I have worked that out!
Now for other matters! I have had a really hard week at work. I thought that if I had a week off school I would go back more able to cope with it all but I was wrong. I am being abused by my administrators, both my direct line manager and hers. My contract sets out my hours for supervision and teaching and I am doing 10 hours a week more than I should. Furthermore, the work that I am expect to do in that time is at least 1/3rd to 1/2 more than I am able to do. I have the classic symptoms of stress: I feel constantly on edge, I am having problems sleeping, I have started having anxiety attacks again. How stupid am I to let this continue! I won't! This has been the last week of me being nice about it all. On Monday I am going to lay out to my line manager exactly what I will and will not do from now on.
Stay tuned!
Now for other matters! I have had a really hard week at work. I thought that if I had a week off school I would go back more able to cope with it all but I was wrong. I am being abused by my administrators, both my direct line manager and hers. My contract sets out my hours for supervision and teaching and I am doing 10 hours a week more than I should. Furthermore, the work that I am expect to do in that time is at least 1/3rd to 1/2 more than I am able to do. I have the classic symptoms of stress: I feel constantly on edge, I am having problems sleeping, I have started having anxiety attacks again. How stupid am I to let this continue! I won't! This has been the last week of me being nice about it all. On Monday I am going to lay out to my line manager exactly what I will and will not do from now on.
Stay tuned!
Saturday, 13 February 2010
10 kilometers!
If I swim 80 lengths tomorrow, I will have swum 10 kilometer during this holiday. I'm rather proud of that!
Thursday, 11 February 2010
Holidays!
In England there are holidays about every 6 weeks during the school year. Right now we are on the half term holiday, almost 6 weeks from the Christmas and 6 weeks or so before Easter. I can't imagine going back to the North American way of having so few breaks during the school year. I know that we only have a short summer holiday but I would rather it this way.
I am enjoying my break even though I haven't done much of what I intended to. I have been swimming, I have read, and am painting my dining room. However, I haven't been to London yet and I don't think that Cliff and I will make it down to see our daughter, her husband and our grand-son in Swansea. Cliff is still having breathing difficulties and suffering from some side effects of his medication!
I have managed to redesign my library wiki and complete my library newsletter on the databases subscribed to by the school and websites of interest to teachers. It wasn't something that I set out to do but I found myself pottering with them both and finished today. I'm hoping to blow my line manager away with the wonderful things I do and persuade her that I should go to the ALA convention in Washington this summer!
Tomorrow I am going to try and finish the work I have started in the dining room. I'm hoping to completely finish the room before I go back to school on Monday. On Saturday, I would like to go to Kew Gardens or up to London. Here's hoping!
I am enjoying my break even though I haven't done much of what I intended to. I have been swimming, I have read, and am painting my dining room. However, I haven't been to London yet and I don't think that Cliff and I will make it down to see our daughter, her husband and our grand-son in Swansea. Cliff is still having breathing difficulties and suffering from some side effects of his medication!
I have managed to redesign my library wiki and complete my library newsletter on the databases subscribed to by the school and websites of interest to teachers. It wasn't something that I set out to do but I found myself pottering with them both and finished today. I'm hoping to blow my line manager away with the wonderful things I do and persuade her that I should go to the ALA convention in Washington this summer!
Tomorrow I am going to try and finish the work I have started in the dining room. I'm hoping to completely finish the room before I go back to school on Monday. On Saturday, I would like to go to Kew Gardens or up to London. Here's hoping!
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Will Power or the lack thereof!
Recently I listened to a programme on Radio 4 about 'will power' and the the brain. It was interesting to discover that will power is something that you must exercise and develop, otherwise it will be weak.
And I just thought it was my lack of 'will power'!
Apparently, it is very difficult to maintain will power when your body is stressed in some way. Your brain works to break down your resistance so that you give up. For example, the reason people find it hard to diet when they are under stress in some aspect of their lives is that the brain can't cope with both going on so it fools you into quitting.
What a good excuse! I'm going to use that! My brain made me do it!
Though the programme explored the research into will power and the brain, I didn't take it all that seriously until I was swimming the other day. I am quite used to swimming a kilometer at a time but every once in a while I have to really talk myself into completing it. I suddenly find myself having an internal conversation in which I discuss the reasons why only doing 3/4 of a kilometer would be perfectly alright that day. At other times I find myself loosing track of the lengths I have done despite the various ways I use to count them (see previous post). My mind tells me that I have done more than I probably have. I have come to realize that my brain is trying to mislead me so that I will finish swimming sooner.
At the moment I am on a new method of keeping track. It came from my previous method, in which I counted each two laps as A and B. So, I do 1a and b and then 2a and b. I started to say to myself when I did 2b, the line from Hamlet, "To be or not to be..." Then I started to think of them as the Hamlet lenghts. Next, in an attempt to find a new way of keeping track, I named them all. First there were Claudius a and b, then Hamlet a and b, Ophelia a and b, Rosencrantz a and b and finally Guildenstern a and b. As I touch the side of the pool at the end of those 10 lengths, I finish off with "are dead"!
Does this all sound a little odd? I suppose it is really. However, it is all part of the game I have developed in order to stop my brain from tricking me. Alas, it doesn't always work. What a tricky brain I have but at least I don't have to blame my lack of will power!
And I just thought it was my lack of 'will power'!
Apparently, it is very difficult to maintain will power when your body is stressed in some way. Your brain works to break down your resistance so that you give up. For example, the reason people find it hard to diet when they are under stress in some aspect of their lives is that the brain can't cope with both going on so it fools you into quitting.
What a good excuse! I'm going to use that! My brain made me do it!
Though the programme explored the research into will power and the brain, I didn't take it all that seriously until I was swimming the other day. I am quite used to swimming a kilometer at a time but every once in a while I have to really talk myself into completing it. I suddenly find myself having an internal conversation in which I discuss the reasons why only doing 3/4 of a kilometer would be perfectly alright that day. At other times I find myself loosing track of the lengths I have done despite the various ways I use to count them (see previous post). My mind tells me that I have done more than I probably have. I have come to realize that my brain is trying to mislead me so that I will finish swimming sooner.
At the moment I am on a new method of keeping track. It came from my previous method, in which I counted each two laps as A and B. So, I do 1a and b and then 2a and b. I started to say to myself when I did 2b, the line from Hamlet, "To be or not to be..." Then I started to think of them as the Hamlet lenghts. Next, in an attempt to find a new way of keeping track, I named them all. First there were Claudius a and b, then Hamlet a and b, Ophelia a and b, Rosencrantz a and b and finally Guildenstern a and b. As I touch the side of the pool at the end of those 10 lengths, I finish off with "are dead"!
Does this all sound a little odd? I suppose it is really. However, it is all part of the game I have developed in order to stop my brain from tricking me. Alas, it doesn't always work. What a tricky brain I have but at least I don't have to blame my lack of will power!
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Best laid plans
I need to get back into the swim as far as my exercise regime goes. I have had to reduce the number of times I swim over the last month because of a continuing ankle injury and a very bad cold through Christmas. I swam a kilometer on Saturday and again on Sunday and had intended going again this morning (Tuesday) before I went to school. However, I didn't sleep well after 4 and Cliff was so sound asleep that I couldn't bring myself to wake him up. I must admit that Cliff sleeping so soundly allowed me to do what I really wanted to...take it easy and swim tomorrow. My goal is 5 days a week minimum so if I swim tomorrow, Thursday and Friday I will have done that. I must admit that it does worry me a little that I am allowing myself to give in but then I remind myself that sometimes you have to listen to your body.
Does that sound like another excuse? It does, doesn't it!
For me swimming isn't just a form of exercise but also a way of meditating. I think that I have written about it before. So, if I don't swim it affects not only my physical but also my emotional health. When I used to swim in the evenings, it was a way of destressing at the end of the day. I could clear my mind of everything that had happened at work. In the mornings, I don't think of work at all if I can help it.
Instead, I sometimes count the laps. Now, that is a much more difficult task than you would imagine! I swim two lengths and call them A and B, for example 1A and 1B. First I swim 2 A/Bs on a flutter board (=4 laps) and then 5 A/Bs (=10 laps) of back stroke. That makes 14 lengths or 1/4 kilometer. If I do this 4 times, I have swum a kilometer. The problem is that once you start swimming you can easily loose track of how many lengths you have done. Mostly, I think, my body tries to convince me that I have done more than I really have. To overcome this, I have taken to saying A and B to myself over the course of the two lengths, and sometimes I have to say the number as well. I repeat it several times as I go down the pool. However as much as I try to concentrate on the number of lengths, my mind drifts off! Often, I have to add extra lengths just in case I really haven't swum as much as I thought I had.
Does that sound like another excuse? It does, doesn't it!
For me swimming isn't just a form of exercise but also a way of meditating. I think that I have written about it before. So, if I don't swim it affects not only my physical but also my emotional health. When I used to swim in the evenings, it was a way of destressing at the end of the day. I could clear my mind of everything that had happened at work. In the mornings, I don't think of work at all if I can help it.
Instead, I sometimes count the laps. Now, that is a much more difficult task than you would imagine! I swim two lengths and call them A and B, for example 1A and 1B. First I swim 2 A/Bs on a flutter board (=4 laps) and then 5 A/Bs (=10 laps) of back stroke. That makes 14 lengths or 1/4 kilometer. If I do this 4 times, I have swum a kilometer. The problem is that once you start swimming you can easily loose track of how many lengths you have done. Mostly, I think, my body tries to convince me that I have done more than I really have. To overcome this, I have taken to saying A and B to myself over the course of the two lengths, and sometimes I have to say the number as well. I repeat it several times as I go down the pool. However as much as I try to concentrate on the number of lengths, my mind drifts off! Often, I have to add extra lengths just in case I really haven't swum as much as I thought I had.
Saturday, 9 January 2010
Third Snow Day
It is truly amazing that in Southern England we had 3 snow days! Not everyone has been unable to go to work but our campus is inaccessible and the bus company decided that it was too dangerous to transport the students so here we are putting work on the school website for our students to do from the comfort and warmth of our houses and flats!
I must admit to being somewhat bored now. One snow day is wonderful, two is an added bonus, three is perhaps one too far! Yesterday, I was driven to considering painting the dining room due to this boredom. Today I dragged Cliff into Homebase and used my Nectar points to by brushes, paint, a roller and tray. My aim is to obliterate an orange wall a the end of the room, and leading into the kitchen. I will probably go on to paint the rest of the room because now that I have started, the rest of the room seems a little shabby too. Sorry Cliff!
I must admit to being somewhat bored now. One snow day is wonderful, two is an added bonus, three is perhaps one too far! Yesterday, I was driven to considering painting the dining room due to this boredom. Today I dragged Cliff into Homebase and used my Nectar points to by brushes, paint, a roller and tray. My aim is to obliterate an orange wall a the end of the room, and leading into the kitchen. I will probably go on to paint the rest of the room because now that I have started, the rest of the room seems a little shabby too. Sorry Cliff!
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