Two Hard Days

The last two days have been very difficult.  My mother had a prolonged period of forgetting that I was her daughter, that the flat we were living in was her home and that she was Beryl Heather Merrick.  At one point she left the flat and wandering around Thetford with me following at a discrete distance.  In the end she stopped in a car park and told me that she would accept my offer to go home to my house for the time being.  In the end I asked her friend Keith to come over to see if we could remind her of who she was and where she was.  It worked to an extent but all through today she continued to act as if she were just a guest in her own home.  

One of the things I did learn this afternoon, when her friends Keith and Margo came over for tea was that this disassociation with who she is has been going on for more than a year.  Somehow I missed it and unfortunately, Keith who spent most time with her, never mentioned it.  If I had known I might have acted differently and she might be in a care home by now.  Ah well, no point dwelling on the past.  

I suppose that the important part of tough days is making sure that you learn from them.  Every day of this journey with my mother reinforces my conviction not to let this happen to my family.  I will go into care when the time is right with no complaints or arguments against.  I will start planning now for the next 10 to 20 years.  I will enjoy my present life for as long as I can but also look forward to the future with optimism.  In the meanwhile, I need a few jokes and funny stories to give me a laugh or two each day.

Still Trying to Find My Way Around Dementia

My mother and I have had a difficult 5 weeks.  I have been frustrated beyond belief and very stressed.  I haven't been as nice as I could have to her.  I've been angry with her.  When I'm not angry, she asks me why I am being nice.  That's a telling comment and one I am not proud of.  My oldest daughter tells me I should go with the flow but sometimes that is so difficult.  However I am beginning to learn how to do that in my own way. 

Today, GB waned to iron.  First I let her hunt for the iron and when she couldn't find it, I did.  I didn't offer to help initially because she wants to prove that she can do things herself.  I held my breath and hoped she didn't find the wall socket.  She didn't but she did come to collect water to put in the iron.  I had better remember to pour that out.  Then I suggested she get the ironing board.  In the end she gave it all up and moved on to putting new shoe laces in her trainers.  I learned from this.  Let her try to do things but don't offer help, keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't injure herself, and let her feel some sense of accomplishment.  It amazed me that she wasn't frustrated by the difficulties she encountered.  She just moved on or went to sleep for a while.